“Whenever I startup drawsomething I sing ‘You’d better draw something’ to the tune of ‘You’d better dp something’ by Aldous Snow in Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Saw a motorway sign today that said ‘bin your litter, other people do’ - they must have run out of options if they have to resort to peer pressure.

Whilst driving, Rachel told me she didn’t know what a ‘blind spot’ was… I entered the brace position and hoped for a painless death.

Sony - please take note: You cannot with any level of effort turn Spiderman into a gritty and edgy super hero. He just isn’t and never will be thanks to the prancey antics of Toby Maguire. So please just defer the release of the new spiderman indefinitely. No-one wants it.

I was standing at the self service checkout when Tesco employee comes up to me and says ‘Are you ok?’ then looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. A few thoughts cross my mind, ‘have I got something on my face?’, ‘do I have a nose hair poking out?’, ‘do I look like I’ve been crying?’. I quickly assess that none of these thoughts apply and reply, ‘Yeah?’. She goes away.
10 seconds later she pokes her head back into my view and says, ‘It’s just that lady was standing there waiting and you walked right past her’. ‘Oh I’m sorry I didn’t see her’ and then apologised to the lady… And then I thought… How am I meant to get that from ‘Are you ok?’, what was ‘Are you ok’ ever going to achieve?… ‘Yes m’lady! Much better now that I’ve pushed in front of that wench! Thank you for asking!’

Ever so slightly disturbed by the texts from Dad who is currently roaming Thailand on his own. His last one said he was having dinner with three women and a ladyboy. I do hope he remembers which is which. - On a side note: Interesting premise for a new movie? - Three Women and a Little Ladyboy?

“Just caught a bit of pirates of the Caribbean with Rachel. I said I think Jack sparrow is in purgatory. She said, isn’t that when you lie in court!”

(NB:- Rachel is Nick’s wife and very lovely just like him)

Things that annoy me #7 - People that wear multicoloured motorcycle jackets or jumpers who aren’t currently on a motorbike or haven’t just used one to get to where they are.

According to the University of Florida’s International Shark Attack File, just five people globally died from unprovoked shark attacks in 2009.
1. Who provokes a shark?
2. Who tells the University of Florida that the death was a result of provocation? The Shark?